I am doing too many things lately, also, AND not as well as I'd like to. Am stumbling emotionally, I'd say, not meditating,hurrying, grieving, old patterns fighting like hell to get me....

Maybe I should go back to not sleeping, I have actually been sleeping MORE and doing worse. Isn't that logical!? Hmmm.
Well. Much love to you, M



In terms of feedback, I now say this to BOTH OF US.
SIT! MEDITATE!
I know that my not sitting is the major contributor to my recent sleeplessness & other stuff.
I give us both this assignment. Before that head hits the pillow, the tush hits the cush for at least 15 minutes. (I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, but to us it can be profound.)
Start with feeling & accepting all TOUCH then ALL FEEL,
Then go through the JHANAS. [this was a client who was proficient in deep absorption states called jhanas]
That should fill 15 minutes nicely.

(I was just tempted to say “Then add salt & pepper & stir”...)

That is what we both need. Probably more than talking about anything, although it is nice to get a lighter perspective when we do.

My only other thing to say about the stumbling and old patterns is to GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! My goodness, look at what you’re doing on Sunday for goodness sake. Are you expecting to be able to walk on water as well??? Don’t be silly. If you feel like grieving – GRIEVE! That’s the work I come from before I got into meditation – emotional releasing. Yes, the meditaiton is good for dissolving things, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to cry or scream or whatever. I happen to love (& have a lot of powerful experience & training in) “Letting it out on Sound”.
Vibration is a natural healer & tool for more than we begin to know. Go to a private place and allow yourself to sob. Let your body sob. Make loud sighing sounds through the sob. (I know how to facilitate this in person, it’s pretty hard by phone, but sometimes just telling people helps facilitate them doing it on their own.)

You were in bliss for so long, that you may have skipped that stage, but you still have to do it and it sounds like the expansive/contractive cycle as come round to that now. Did you think you would skip grieving? (Back to the ‘walking on water’ analogy.)

And, my only other suggestion is to – especially after that big day on Sunday – carve out some “DO NOTHING TIME”. You’re not allowed to clean, write, or do anything that can be put on a list. Sit in the sun & read. Get a good book, that you’ve been meaning to read, and do that. (And if you throw some meditation in there, you get a gold star on your chart.) -- Oh, and stop judging things, for goodness sake. Stop deciding what’s ‘better’ and what’s ‘worse.’ To have old patterns come up isn’t bad, you silly girl. It’s actually an opportunity to see them from a new perspective. They will become old friends, but not if you say “Oh no!” and go running into the other room every time they do. Just feel them, say hello, and tune into what other options are. Doing it from that place – is how you re-train those behavior patterns – much more than from if they never arise again. Enlightenment isn’t a place you get to and sit in, it’s just a new perspective of working with the same old stuff.

My take on all this, for what it’s worth, and it’s probably good to have it in writing. That way you can hear it whenever you want to.

Sending lots of love,
Steph